So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
