Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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