they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
