I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
