Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
