So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
