This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
