shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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