Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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