Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
