I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
