Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize