She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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