dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
