Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
