Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
