I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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