dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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