mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
