yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize