apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
