Define "chronic" masturbator.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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