It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize