I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
