When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
