Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
