i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just pee around me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
