You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
