She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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