I think I won the penis lottery.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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