I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
