as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
