I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
