i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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