I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
