peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
