i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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