i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it's like iHOP with fire
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
