she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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