Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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