we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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