Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize