I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
