I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
