nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
