We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
