hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
