I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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