Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize