I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
