so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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