babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
