I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
