The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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