i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
