So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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