textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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