Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
