I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
