do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
