Sponge bath it is.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
