I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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