I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
