the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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