After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i think my mom watched the whole time
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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