he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
