Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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