the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
