i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize