I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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