I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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