i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Screwed.edu
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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