You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's never too late to be topless.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
