Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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