somebody snuck up and got me drunk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize