If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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