Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
