If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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