Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
