Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
