EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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