he puts the penis in happiness.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
