the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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