i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
