And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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