you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
