I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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