Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have tasted many bathrooms
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize