I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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