tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
50% drunk capacity currently
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
