At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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