Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
