he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize