Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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