i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
