awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
