we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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