I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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