my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize