I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
