I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
