Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
if only i could text you this smell
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
