Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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