I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
