God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
