My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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