you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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