Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
