Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
