all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sext me about skeletons
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
