maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
