Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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